


takin' off like a rocket

by ladanse



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, steph Wishes She Had Stayed Home Today, tired big bro!nightwing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 16:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15586116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladanse/pseuds/ladanse
Summary: Dick grins. "Welcome to the club," he says. "Sorry for the hazing.""At least you didn't actually see them going at it," Tim adds.-Stephanie Brown learns what it means to be a Robin. Selina helps. Bruce doesn't.





	takin' off like a rocket

**Author's Note:**

> title from zayn's "sour diesel"
> 
> i love my daughter ok

  
Tim walks into his room texting; when he looks up and sees her perched on the windowsill, he jumps a foot in the air, slams the door shut (but somehow without making a sound) and _glares_.

  
"Hey," says Stephanie Brown, fourth Robin and cheerful ex-girlfriend.

  
"Steph," says Tim, cautiously. She watches him think. She's not wearing the suit, so it's not strictly hero business, but she is coming in through the window, which means that it's not something he'd want his dad knowing.

  
He frowns at her, finally. "You know you can't be here."

  
"I'll be quick," she promises. His brow furrows. "Don't worry," she adds. "Nothing's wrong."

  
His shoulders loosen, then. "Okay, what's up?"

  
She swings in through the window, plops herself on his unmade bed. "I had a question," she says. "About the suit."

  
"Uh," says Tim. "You know we have different ones, right?"

  
She rolls her eyes. "Our gauntlets are the same design, though, dumbass. Just show me how to work these catches, will you? I didn't want to ask the Bat."

  
That makes him crack a smile. "Fair enough," he says, and holds out his hand. He twists his wrist twice, runs his fingers over the seams, and they open for him, easy and natural. Stephanie tries and fails not to be jealous.

  
"You'll get it," says Tim, seeing through her in an instant. "I tripped over my cape on the second patrol, so the bar is honestly kind of low right now."

  
They both frown, then, because they both know that's a lie. Goddamn Dick.

  
"Anyway," says Steph, loudly. "Hand them over."

  
Carefully, she replicates his movements, Tim making irritating comments in the background, and the gauntlets open for her, too. She slips her hands in them, watching them seal shut, and allows herself a moment of triumph.

  
"See?" says Tim. She punches him in the arm, hard, and he topples, laughing. Then his eyes spark, and he lunges at her, hard. They grapple, briefly, before Steph has him pinned to the bed, and the little pout of his mouth is so funny that she snorts, loses concentration, and finds herself judo-thrown to the floor, still laughing.

  
"Tim?" says a deep voice. "Everything okay up there?"

  
The looseness and laughter pare off Tim's face, and Stephanie leaps back onto the windowsill. When no footsteps sound up the stairs, they both relax, marginally.

  
"You'd better go," says Tim. He sounds more tired than he should.

  
"Okay," she says, and then remembers. "Wait - one more thing."

  
She holds her hand out, gesturing to the tiny inlaid embroidery of - of all things - a black cat, on the thumbjoint of the right glove. "What the hell is this?"

  
"Oh," says Tim. "That's for Selina."

  
"Selina? You mean, Catwoman?" Steph says, and it's not quite a question.

  
"Right, yeah," says Tim, meaningfully. Steph stares at him, still confused; he studies her face.

  
When it's clear he isn't going to elaborate, she shrugs. "Okay, in case of Catwoman-related emergencies, then."

  
"Yup," he says, and is he smirking?

  
"Fine, don't tell me," she says, crossly. "See you around, Wonder Boy."

  
"Bye, Steph," he says, pointedly. She kisses him on the cheek, just to watch him flush, before swinging out the window into the night.

  
-

  
After that whole mess with - goddamn Superboy showing up on patrol and generally being a fucking _asshole,_ as usual - seriously, would it kill Tim to talk to his friends once in a while? - patrol is, thankfully, fairly normal.

  
"Burglary on Eighth and Lincoln," says Oracle, in their ears, and they're off, leaping across buildings and generally doing unsafe parkour instead of, like, taking one of the Batmobiles.

  
Steph's quads may be _slightly_ bitter.

  
Turns out "burglary" means "Catwoman is making off with most of a Jared's" which apparently means "stand there and talk instead of taking her down."

  
"Hello, Bat," says Selina, slinking around in that - goddamn - black leather jumpsuit.

  
(Listen, Steph knows she looks damn good in the Robin suit, and the Spoiler costume even better. But Selina in black leather is a category of her own.)

  
"Cat," says Batman, emotionless. "Step away from the Jared's."

  
Steph counts three openings, and crouches, preparing to pounce.

  
Batman's fingers twitch, which means, _Hold, Robin_. Steph rolls her eyes, glad for the mask. _Okay, holding._

  
"Bat, love," says Selina, leaping onto the roof and slinking toward them. "Why is it that I have to stoop to these trinkets - " she swings a black velvet bag of stolen goods, demonstrative - "to get your attention?"

  
Batman doesn't say anything. His fingers still say _Hold_.

  
Steph is getting really tired of holding. She watches as Selina slinks closer and closer, until she's practically on top of Batman, her hands close enough to pickpocket his utility belt. And Bruce _still_ isn't doing anything.

  
_Okay, think, Robin._ Steph analyzes the situation. Paralyzing toxins? Ivy pollen? Scarecrow gas? She hasn't heard of the Cat working with any other villains lately, which must mean the former: a toxin of her own design.

  
Selina dips her hands toward the Bat's utility belt, and Steph makes the executive decision to pounce.

  
Shoving Bruce backwards - he moved, okay, not paralysis, maybe a nerve agent? - she trades blows with Selina, forcing her back and away. Catwoman looks - is that surprise, on her face? - but recovers quickly, knocking the wind out of her with a hard kick to the chest. Steph flips backwards on instinct, trying to catch her breath.

  
"I like this one," says Selina, thoughtful. She's still holding the bag of jewels, but in her other hand, she's flipping a batarang.

  
Shit. This is worse than Steph had thought; she hadn't even seen Selina take it.

  
_Fuck it_ , she thinks, and makes another executive decision. _Catwoman emergency button, please work_ , she prays, and twitches her hand to hit it.

  
"Robin," says Oracle, in her ear, and Steph breathes a sigh of relief.

  
"Request backup, Eighth and - " Steph begins, but Oracle cuts her off. "Gunshots at Third and Covey. Police need someone to cut them off at the end of the alley."

  
"What," says Steph.

  
"Go, Robin," says Oracle. Batman, behind her, has swished his cape in a way that means: _listen to Oracle, or else._

  
"But - " says Steph. _What_? But based on the increase in Batman's looming, she has no other choice. She fires off a birdarang at Selina, smashes a smoke grenade, and takes a running leap towards Third.

  
"Fine, O," she says, grimly. "But I'm coming right back."

  
"I wouldn't," says Oracle in her ear, and Steph flinches. Oracle sounds almost - amused?

  
"I'm at Third and Covey, O," she says. "I don't see anything."

  
"Hmm," says Oracle, unsurprised. "By the way, the Bat says patrol's done for the night, as long as you swing through this block on the way back."

  
Steph stops, crouched uncomfortably on someone's rainpipe. "Is anyone going to explain what the fuck is going on?"

  
"You've been trained by the World's Greatest Detective," says Oracle. "Figure it out."

  
-

  
Tim picks up the phone. "Drake residence, Tim speaking."

  
"Asshole," says Steph. "You know it's me. Also - you _knew!_   You knew and you _didn't tell me!_ "

  
"Sorry," says Tim. "I think you must have the wrong number."

  
"Don't you _dare_ hang up on me," growls Steph. "You still owe me - "

  
The line clicks.

  
-

  
One week later, Steph is alone in the cave, going over case files before patrol.

  
The screen in front of her fizzes, briefly, and she jumps. An audio file has appeared on the screen, and when she clicks it, Selina's smoky voice echoes from the speaker.

  
"Hey, birdie," she says, cheerful. "Thought I'd give you a heads up - take the night off, on me!"

  
The file closes and deletes itself. Steph stares, because this is _not_ happening.

  
Before she can stand up, stomp upstairs, and punch Bruce in the face, Nightwing's private line lights up with a call.

  
"Hey, Steph," says Dick. He's clearly at home, surrounded by a mess of hero gear and takeout boxes. "Selina called, said you might not want to take the night off."

  
"She _called_ you? I mean - of course I don't - " Steph begins furiously, but Dick holds up a hand, grinning, and she stops. Dick Grayson's smiles are just Like That.

  
"I'd love some help going through a few cases," he says, patiently. "If you really want to piss Bruce off, just say you're coming to Bludhaven to see me." Which, fair enough.

  
"Okay," says Steph, still suspicious.

  
"Also, if you want him to go easy on you this weekend, leave a bottle of that bruise ointment out for him," says Dick.

  
"Bruise ointment," says Steph, carefully. There's a pit in her gut. "Why, exactly."

  
For the first time, Dick's smile looks forced. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

  
"Right," says Steph, queasy. "Okay. See you soon."

  
"Bye!" he says, cheery, and hangs up.

  
Bruce's footsteps sound on the stairs, which means he heard every word of that conversation.

  
"I'm going to Bludhaven tonight. Dick needs help on some cases," Steph recites.

  
When there's no reply, she looks back at him. He's not paying her any attention. In fact, he's checking his hair. In a mirror. Steph didn't know the Batcave _had_ one of those.

  
"Okay," says Steph, grabbing her hoodie and dropping the bruise ointment on a nearby table. "Can I have the keys to the Batmobile?"

  
"You can take the bus."

  
"What, while you're - " she begins furiously, and now he looks at her.

  
"Don't push it," Bruce says. His mouth twitches - was that a _smile_? - and he heads towards the locker room, snagging the ointment on the way.

  
Steph stares after him for nearly ten minutes before shaking herself and heading for the bus stop.

  
-

  
Tim's already upside-down on the couch when she gets there, which she really should have expected.

  
"Hey, asshole," she says, and flips him on his ass.

  
"Hi, Steph," he says, muffled. "Want a fajita?"

  
"The answer to that is always yes," she responds. "What cases did you want to go over, Dick?"

  
"What?" says Dick, head half-buried in a takeout bag. "Oh, that was a lie. Selina said she could get us next week too, so we're going to start a Lord of the Rings marathon."

  
"Oh." She stares at both of them, sprawled over the couch. "Okay. Move over." Hanging out with all (most) of the Robins, like it's normal. Steph, you can do this.

  
Dick grins, probably reading her mind. "Welcome to the club," he says. "Sorry for the hazing."

  
"At least you didn't actually see them going at it," Tim says. "You're welcome."

  
"Hey, now," says Dick. "To be fair, the Button is a fairly recent addition."

  
"Your idea?" Steph asks. Tim shakes his head. "Cass's, actually. That girl's a genius."

  
On the screen, Gandalf gets tackled by Frodo in a hug. "Sit down," says Tim, impatient, and she finally plops herself next to Dick. He throws an arm over her shoulders - damn, he's warm - and she lets herself settle into it, peaceful.

  
_Yeah, okay, Steph,_ she thinks. _You could get used to this._

 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments are much appreciated if you liked this mess. pls come into my inbox with further crack headcanons
> 
> i'm on tumblr @bollywood-and-phoenix-feather


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